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Evert 2.0

5. Guilt

December 2024
A feeling of guilt over the cerebral infarction I had until mid-December 2024. This guilt came a few weeks after my infarction, from the moment I realized what had happened to me. “Evert about the infarction you don't have to feel guilty, it happened to you,” I was told with regularity. They meant well, but I had this feeling.
After our divorce, 23 years ago, I was always “turned on.” The fear of giving our children a bad time certainly played into that. I had met my wife during our work in youth services. Together we had seen misery enough in children of divorced parents. If our children had previously had one safe home, this now had to become two.
What I mean by “being on” is not an issue now, at least I know what choices I made and what that cost me in energy. Whether they were convenient or wise choices is also not an issue. But I can learn lessons from the way I arranged my life at the time. I am glad that I no longer feel guilt. It frees up strength and energy to work on Evert 2.0.
The infarct has turned my life and the lives of those close to me, quite upside down. Before you know it, everything in life can be over. The realization that many things are relative is great.

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