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Evert 2.0

Diary Finland

Visit to the Finnish House in Rotterdam on Saturday, Jan. 25, 2025, in preparation.
The day before, I had considerable doubts about my outing. The idea of going somewhere where people know nothing about my current situation makes me insecure. The crowds in Rotterdam don't help either. The choice to go had to do with the fact that I felt strong enough to go out of my comfort zone. My children knew I was heading in that direction. Once I arrived at the Finnish House, I felt extremely welcome. I was 15 minutes early and was able to catch my breath there. I was offered lunch and the Finnish hospitality made me feel that it was good that I went. This visit to a piece of Finland in the middle of Rotterdam gives me a lot of strength and energy to go that way later. Spent over two hours in the Finnish House and then walked back to Central Station. To my surprise, I slept wonderfully that night.

To Finland.
Tomorrow, March 15, 2025, I go to Finland for the first time as Evert 2.0. I am trying to imagine what I looked like in the hospital in early June 2024. In other words, what did my family and friends see? And then now going to Finland again gives me a sense of gratitude. Finland for me is a place where I feel at home and can come to a meaningful use of my free time. My first visit to Finland was May 2006, I got the chance to do a teacher internship with 3 colleagues at the school Validia in Järvenpää. After the third day I knew, especially through the contact with the local people, that I would come back here and it was only a question of when and for how long. The following years I went to Finland several times and for different periods of time. At ROC. Landstede I became coordinator of internationalization and from that position I was able to build a network. Exchanges of students, teachers, board members and other disciplines took place. I was also able to build up my own network. I have taught regularly, visited work fields and thus built friendships. After retirement, I started working at Verto in Oulu. Verto is a day center where people with addictions try to get their lives back on track. My role there is to be a “grandfather,” someone you can always turn to, who listens to you and takes time for you. In other words, to give you the feeling that you matter, that you can be who you are. Conversely, I am treated in the same way, I am appreciated and feel welcome. In addition, as I wrote earlier, I can have a meaningful existence. Several times a year I went to Oulu and now the intention is to be there six times a year. As long as I can and I can make meaningful contributions there. When I go to Finland I often get the reaction from people in the Netherlands “Finland, that is a beautiful country”. It certainly is but the main reason for me is that the Finnish people I know are hospitable and warm. Once you have a relationship with Finns, it is for the rest of your life. That is also what I am most looking forward to, meeting the people I have warm ties with. It's nice to have two friends going with me because I find first-time travel quite exciting. My next trip alone is scheduled in two months. As I mentioned at the beginning, I am immensely grateful that I am allowed and able to do this.

Diary trip to Oulu in Finland from March 15 to March 22, 2025.
Friday, March 14 everything in order, from clean bed to meals for when I get back. Slept reasonably well, though I was up early and of course before the alarm clock.

Saturday, March 15, picked up by my great friend and his wife's Volvo. Father was happy because he could use the car for a week. In the car I was 1 waterfall of talking, probably (for sure) because of the excitement. 'Is it going to happen after all,' flies through my head, I can hardly believe it. At Schiphol Airport I was happy to be guided by my friends and they really are a resting point for me. I was just barely taken by the hand, but that's how it felt (soothing). I had asked to sit in front of the window because this always feels safe for me. The moment we landed in Helsinki I had to cry and was lovingly comforted by my friend. What a nice feeling, what a gift, both the solid ground of Finland and my loving friend. We stopped for an hour, ate some food and flew again. This while I should actually recover quietly (just kidding). Picked up by a colleague, with of course a big hug first. Into the apartment, shopping and picking up pizza. Slowly it dawns on me that this is real, that I am in Oulu and that tomorrow I am going to Muhos to visit a very nice family. Left my friends alone, who can celebrate their pre-honeymoon. Slept reasonably well that night.

Sunday, March 16 by train to Muhos to friends I have known for about 12 or 13 years. In between regular contact via video calls, the reunion was emotional. Connection with my friends and the family was super and I was happy about that. Lots of catching up and served a delicious dinner of reindeer meat. Friends also found it a welcoming and warm family and understood very well why I felt so at home with them. After occasional tears, the three of us took the train back to Oulu. I went home and my friends went hiking and time for each other. Slept reasonably well because I had doubts about whether I can be a good professional with all this emotional baggage. Because tomorrow I get picked up and is my first “work day”.

Monday, March 17, picked up at 8:30 by my colleague from Verto. Reception was emotional, although we had spoken and seen each other regularly on video calls, this was different. Once on the upper floor where Verto is, my colleague expressed her amazement at how I walked up the stairs. At that moment I realized again where I had come from and that climbing stairs was now going well for me. Coming home to the team took us fifteen minutes and then the first visitors came in. I sat down in my familiar spot at the puzzle table and a special feeling arose in me which I am going to try to describe. Some visitors greeted me and others immediately sat down to coffee and on the bench. What I realized then was, that despite my situation, life goes on as usual, with everyone having their own story. So it was a feeling of 'nice to have you back and now pick up the daily things'. This was a huge relief for me and it made it easier to resume my role as a grandfather. And so the day went, people came to my table again and enjoyed talking English. Discussed situation together with a man that I have difficulty looking at someone, he recognized and he felt understood even though we knew each other for half an hour. In the afternoon, I sat in a quiet room for half an hour, which was nice because there were no stimuli. When I sat there I was glad that I had stated my limit early. At noon my friends came and they also found it a nice place to be. During the contact with the visitors they remarked that such a place as Verto is missed in the Netherlands (I share that opinion). After a nice lunch, they packed the car for their snowboard prehoneymoon vacation. I was dropped off at the mall at the end of the day and I did some shopping, ate and relaxed in the sauna. To bed on time because tomorrow I will be picked up at 8 am. I am looking forward to it and this day has given me a lot of confidence.

Tuesday, March 18: Last night, to my surprise, I slept reasonably to well. I had thought that from all the impressions I could hardly get to sleep. Picked up 8 a.m. today and started quietly with coffee and the team had meetings first. Visitors trickled in and contacts were nice, especially with one of the guys who was too shy to speak English. I had invited him to play pool and that helped in the contact. Another boy wants to become a personal trainer and we talked about what it is like to mentor someone who needs to learn to walk again etc. He was very interested and in the afternoon I gave my presentation to him and the new colleague. It was impressive what a conversation the three of us had. Colleague is so happy with me because she explained that she likes to have a grandfather figure, both for the visitors and for herself. We went shopping, had dinner and relaxed in the sauna. What a nice day and what confidence I have gained in the future. Off to bed early and tomorrow morning I will be picked up at 7:50 am.

Wednesday, March 19: At night I was working on my presentation in my head. Result was very good because during the presentation I got stuck several times (years) in a certain transition of topics, found the solution for this. Alarm clock went off at 7 a.m., got dressed, had breakfast and at 10 to eight I was picked up. I started the day quietly with a cup of coffee and a game on my iPad. Nine o'clock the visitors trickled in and I sat down at the puzzle table. Visitors I have known for years came in and the reunion was heartwarming. Some commented that they were glad I was still alive. Sad that some have had a relapse in their addiction, but nice that they are looking the way for support at Verto. Goal really is for them to get their lives back on track only this can take years. Talked extensively with manager and it is clear to both of us that our collaboration is going to be long term, this is my place. Walked home because the weather was beautiful and I needed to get some exercise and clear my head. Went shopping at the Lidl, had dinner, sauna, watched TV and in between made some nice video calls because it is nice to share all this.

Thursday, March 20, a busy day. Many contacts made but first quiet at my puzzle table. I am tense for my presentation so I go to the rest room to recharge. Together with a visitor who translated, I gave my presentation. Atmosphere was really special how everyone listened with attention. Afterwards many individual reactions and especially from recognition. In the evening I had dinner with a board member and she was also emotional to hear how my friends had experienced Verto. Into the sauna and to bed early. But first arranged my visit for the end of June.

Friday, March 21, picked up a little later and had a nice conversation with a visitor. Three or four years ago she was too shy to talk together and now she enjoyed it. Watched André Rieu because he is her great idol. Music is very important to her. She is looking forward to my next visit (so am I). While thanking my college, I received a Moomin mug and chocolate. Super nice to have these people around you. In the evening, my friends came back from the Far North and we went out to dinner together. They also had a great time and had seen the northern lights in a beautiful way. Shared stories and then cleaned up the house.

Saturday, March 22: Could hardly get to sleep that night and woke up at 6 am. Train went a little before 8:00 am and at the airport around 2:00 pm. I had discussed that I wanted to do the security etc. myself this time to see how it would go. In itself it went fine only once in the departure hall my candle went out. Fatigue overwhelmed me and I was quite confused. I had trouble making good appointments with my friends. The request for extra guidance that I had made to Finnair paid off. We were the first to board and on the plane I quickly fell asleep. Slept for ten minutes and now fit enough on the plane to write in my journal. Soon we will be picked up by car. All in all, the return trip was disappointing at the end and I am curious to see how the next few days go, especially with energy. For a long time I felt that there was not so much going on with me, but in the departure hall my ears started ringing and as I wrote I was overcome by fatigue. Dropped off at home, unpacked suitcases and after a cup of coffee had a nice bath. In between I cuddled with Tukkie the cat, who was happy to see me again.

Sunday, March 23, slept fine. Did laundry and then found the peace to update and finish me diary.

It is now Thursday as I write this. The following days my energy level was very low and I didn't do much. The week in Finland was very positive and it cost me a lot of energy. Have come to the conclusion that it is wise to try to get the word “have to” out of my system (explanation is under guilt). This will be a big job for me and definitely need support in this.

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