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Punish or reward.

Why punishment?

- Something is done that shouldn't be done, e.g. breaking the law.
- Did not abide by agreements or rules.
- Has produced or destroyed too little.
- As a form of lesson.
- Counter against repetition.
- Satisfaction.
- Let others know what can happen if you do something wrong.


Why reward me?

- You want to see the behaviour again.
- Positive approach.
- Let others know what can happen if you do something right.


Points of attention by age:

- Don't explain too much or for too long to children under the age of 5-6. Do not have long conversations with the children.
Toddlers are often in the why phase.
- From about the age of 6, a child's conscience starts to develop slowly, you can give explanations.
- From 11 - 12 years of age: let them think along with you about the punishment.
- On time: punish at the right moment (a 4-year-old child is punished immediately, an older child is not allowed to watch TV in the evening if he has done something wrong in the morning, for example).


Punishment:

- First issue a warning: indicate where the limit is.
- In proportion: too light a punishment does not make an impression, too heavy a punishment confuses a child.
- If you punish a child too often, it may behave worse.
- The punishment must be related to the wrongdoing.
- Cool down in the hallway; number of minutes time out.
- Abstinence penalty (e.g. not watching TV)
- Stand down: disapprove of behaviour.
- Don't give something (prevention is even better: raise the cake so they can't reach it).
- Take something nice away (toys, pocket money, no candy).
- Ignore
- Have something done, e.g. dry or wipe.

If you have punished a child, don't bring it up again later.
Action >>>> reaction >>>> finished; let it be.


What punishments to avoid?

- Sending them to bed for punishment (bed must remain a safe place)
- Depriving them of food, drink or sleep; remember these are basic necessities of life
- If your child is already truly sorry, don't punish him.
- Beating or other corporal punishment, this is culture bound.
- Pedagogical touch is allowed (only own children?)


Why reward behaviour:

- Rewarding increases the positive behaviour, the child will want to be rewarded more often, so it will show the same desired behaviour.
- By giving compliments, the child will gain more self-confidence and develop a better self-image.
- By rewarding there will be more balance between punishment and rewarding.


In what ways to reward:

Try not to reward with material things (presents) or with candy, but with attention:
- Playing a game
- Staying up longer
- Telling what the child has done so well
- Special attention from daddy/mommy, playing soccer with daddy
- Play outside longer
- Watch a film or read them a book
- Pat on the head, thumbs up, hug or wink
- To give a compliment


Sometimes it's good to ignore behaviour, this is how you do it:

- Don't react and turn around
- Do not make eye contact
- Don't say anything
- Walk away from the situation
- Keep a neutral face


Points of attention for punishment:

- As soon as possible after the act.
- No revenge.
- Explain what and why.
- Must fit the act.
- Not too much, nor too often.
- Don't exaggerate.
- Clear end of punishment

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