Feel welcome

My experience.

The value of listening.

Well intended but turns out differently.
I was listening to a conversation two friends of mine (Ineke and Gea) were having. The mother of Gea had died a few months ago and she told me that she had an enormous feeling of guilt towards her mother. Ineke indicated that her guilt feelings were unjustified and that she absolutely did not have to feel guilty. Ineke explained what Gea had done for her mother. The conversation became more and more emotional, Gea started to cry and emphasized that she felt guilty despite everything. Ineke put an arm around her with comforting and especially well-intentioned words that she absolutely did not have to feel guilty. Finally a silence fell between them. I asked Gea if she could tell me why she felt guilty towards her mother. Ineke and I listened attentively to Gea and from what she said we understood why she felt this way. I don't remember exactly what Gea said because this incident took place years ago. But the example has always stayed with me because this situation was very instructive for me.
It sometimes happens to me that someone tells me something from his experience and feelings. With good intentions I then try to reassure that person. In the conversation that my friends had I saw what can happen if you react in this way. Your conversation partner does not feel that they’re really listened to, stronger still there is distance in the conversation. Listening, asking questions, letting the other explain why he experienced something as he did, has much more value. Maybe the other person is not waiting for what you or I think, but only wants to be listened to.
Listening will come back in my treatment of the book "The Power of Now", by Eckhart Tolle.

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