Feel welcome

My experience.

Step back is sometimes better.

Situation 1:
I had a conflict with a client in the living room, when he got angry and ran to her room on the first floor. In her room she turned on her music so loud that most of them were bothered by it. I went after her and asked if she wanted to turn her music down. She did, only when I turned around the music went louder again. This repeated itself a few times and I noticed that the power struggle had begun. I walked out the door and stuck my arm from the corridor through the door with a flat hand (palm inviting upwards). After about ten seconds I got a slap on my hand (high five) and the girl softened the music. I went to the living room and didn't talk about it anymore.

Situation 2:
A client had to go upstairs to his room for punishment. I followed the client to make sure he went to his room and closed his door. This is the last thing that matters! Once in his room he left the door open, even though I asked him to close it. I went to his room and closed the door from the hallway. Every time I walked away, the boy opened the door behind me again (and of course I closed it again). Just like the situation described above, I noticed that there was a power struggle. I walked up to the boy who triumphantly stood in the door opening and said to him in a quiet tone of voice: "When I am gone like this, you want to close the door yourself". I did not wait for his answer and then walked away. I was less than 3 seconds away when I heard the door close behind me.

What I learned:
Young people are willing to listen, but not always when I want to. (directly) It's called self-determination, loss of face, respect or whatever. Every now and then I have to learn to give the other person space to do what I ask them to do. It starts with something small and before you know it you are in a power struggle, in which I think there are only losers. As a professional I have to take responsibility for my own behaviour. Only then can I change something in the other person if necessary.

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