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My experience.

Bed as a safe place.

Bed as a safe place.
August Hermann Franckehuis Rotterdam group Sibbe, the first residential group where I worked;
There were regular conflicts between the young people and the group leaders and it happened that young people were sent to their own rooms or went there by themselves (escape). I describe two conflict situations that I had with R. (a fourteen year old boy) and where (in retrospect) I am not proud of my actions.
R. and I had a conflict and I sent him to his own room. As he walked towards it I called out to him that I would come to him in a moment for an interview. A little later I went after him and entered his room (knocked and did not wait for his response). Once in his room I did not see R and soon found out he was under his bed. I asked him to get out from under it but got no response. Without thinking I grabbed his bed and put it upright against the wall and R. was lying there huddled. What else happened I do not remember and is not important to mention now.
Second situation is similar only here I am even less proud.
I wanted to speak to R. about something that had happened and understood that he was in his bedroom. I entered his room and it appeared that R. was in bed with the covers over him. I asked R. to come out but got no response from him. I tried to pull his blankets loose but R held on to them tightly. I tried a few more times and asked him to let go of the blankets but got no response from R. (he remained silent). I then pulled the blankets loose at the foot of the bed and apparently he hadn't anticipated that because in no time I had him out from under the blankets. He lay there on the bed, huddled together with his knees drawn up and began to cry softly. Again, the sequel is not relevant to mention now.
When I look back on these situations I think to myself "Evert, how could you do such a thing". Now I know that the bed, in it or under it, was a place for R. where he thought he felt safe and that nobody could do anything to him. I was so driven and so preoccupied with "I will be listened to," that I forgot what my actions could possibly mean to R. Thinking that you are safe from the big, angry world, because I was angry in both situations. And with brute force you are then exposed to the one who is yelling at you.
Again I’m not proud, but learned a lot from this.

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